Drug Therapy

Some drugs help you gain a different perspective on life. LSD, for example, can give you a six hour escape into the mind of a kitty cat, if you should ever care to go there. And Topomax, a drug for epilepsy sufferers, offers insight into what it feels like to be Kurt Cobain. And Dan Quayle. I had received a prescription of it for migraine relief last year and quite quickly said, "Stop that" to my doctors. I had never before experienced such overwhelming sadness, along with a complete emptying of the brain. After three solid weeks of pounders, however, I recently thought I'd give it another go with the leftovers, and boom, within hours of a single dose I was crying for the last goose in the V-formation and forgetting what street I lived on. I walked into my office after the morning field walk with the dog (after I found the office) and said, "Who comes up with this shit and does anybody want to try it?"

Maybe it would be good relationship therapy for those who have to live with those who are chronically depressed. Have them dose up so they can feel it, and understand that depression can be something on beyond what most of us would feel on the worst of days. But it is also scarier than we appreciate. It is heavy, but light at the same time. "Everything is incredibly horrible and insurmountable, but nothing really matters because I'm over hear sideways on another plane," a splitting sensation that explains suicide in a way that may help us learn to prevent it.

I went back to the doctors. I asked for something that would make me feel like a serial killer, or maybe a politician. But instead they shot up my shoulder with steroids. Too much typing, they think, that's why my head hurts. I'll go with that 'til my brain returns. Now, where's the dog ...